Desperation, My Dear

by Jordan O'Shea

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I would rather let my memories kill me, than kill my memories. I lent out my hand to others, But no-one would reach out for mine. So I'm hopelessly hoping That I can start coping With you by my side.
Winter came and stole my love. Summer bring her back to me, I want to see her smile again. And all we see is white, And there's no place to hide. Winter came and stole my love.
Do you know what it's like to have a choir in your head Chanting your name? 'Cause I know what it's like to wake up in a bed That doesn't feel the same. If I could shed this skin, I would. If I could tame this orchestra for good, I swear I could be a better man. Wolves dressed as humans for a while, Gods dressed as numbers I couldn't file. I swear I could be a better man. We're all just wolves: Desperate and hungry, Don't want to be lonely.
Your words are nuanced and sweet, So delicate to me. But there's torment in your eyes, Your words are my demise. Is this what you were thinking of, When you said that you wanted love? Well, I bet you can't thank me enough, For letting you down so early. We're all fucking mad, And this is all just art. So paint me a picture of 'love' I know for a fact that you can't.
This isn't just a game, so don't mock me. I know that lately I haven't been acting the same, but don't stop me. It was desperation, my dear, That lead us all here. The birds, they understand That I am a changing man. I get bored, I get restless, I get sick, I get reckless; But as long as you understand, that I am a changing man. I am a lyrebird, I am my surroundings, so don't judge me. I am not a liar, just a misleading foundling, but don't touch me. I am a lyrebird, not a liar.
I saw God in a dream, he told me that he didn't recognise me. I saw God on his knees, praying to something bigger than he. I put a blindfold around his eyes, Told him we were equal, told him we were beautiful. Told him I wished we were blind... He laughed and walked off into the night.
I hold this pocket watch, it never meant that much to me. It ticks in time with my heart, until my final speech. Does it have to be like this? I'm not ready to meet Saint Peter, I'm only half the man I used to be. And it seems, The harder I try to stay in control, the more there is to take control of. Time was only meant to be a guideline, But I let it dictate my lifeline. If I close my eyes and stop looking at the clocks, Will it disappear? Will the hands stop? It seems, The harder I try to stay in control, the more there is to take control of. I'd give my seconds, give my minutes, give my hours away, If it meant I didn't have to stay.
Sailor, come save me, I'm lying on the waves. The lighthouse is shining on my watery grave. I know you can see me and sense all my fears, The ocean is rising with my very own tears. And my lungs are filling with water. And heart is filled with regret. Bring me your boat, and I'll show you my throne. I failed my adventure, but I found my home On the beach, With the sand at my feet, From the reefs, Bring me to shore. On the beach, With the sand at my feet, From the reefs, I know I'll feel pure. And my eyes are filling with water, Every night I don't have you by my side.
Author (free) 04:26
He lives with nightmares, That's if he gets to sleep at all. And he lies wide awake, Staring at his bedroom wall. He's chasing ghosts, he's chasing lines, He opens up, the Author writes About the emptiness inside. And all he wants is for her to say: "I'll love you more than they will" He listens to the voices, He listens way too much. He's learnt to sleep with the ghosts in his bed, And he writes of life's broken touch.


A man tries to lose everything he has, to try and find everything he wants. A story of love, loss, and escape.


released January 14, 2013

Written, performed, recorded, and mixed by Jordan O'Shea.
Track 4 recorded and mixed by Umair at Silver Street Studios.
Trumpet by Harry Wiles.
Mastered by Tim Turan.
Album Artwork by Heather Lawson.
A massive thank-you to Rob Burr for your influence and guidance.


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